Alien Species

Remulakians are an indigenous and sapient species who hail from the planet Remulak. They are often known simply as "Coneheads" because of their most prominent feature - their skulls are shaped in such a way that their heads resemble large cones.



They are physically very strong, males of the species have been seen stopping cars and ripping off their roofs. They all seem to posses unique electro-kinetic abilities emanating from the tip of their conical skulls. The touching of cones seems to exchange electrical energies, the act seems to be used much the same was as kissing in human culture.


They appear to have an extremely high metabolic rate, and therefore must eat far larger meals per sitting, and as such, have evolved a massive mouth with three upper rows of sharp teeth (trelgs), and one fairly normal lower row. Those found on Earth have been noted for eating massive quantities of food, drinking entire six packs of a beverage at once, and smoking entire packs of cigarettes all at the same time. They also have a very distinct style of speech, which is very fast, nasal, and monotone.


Remulakians engage in behavior that could be considered strange by human standards. They sleep upright, they practice a form of cremation, a tradition related to Ovahdar the Obtuse. The remains are placed in a clean dry place. They also are known to make sacrifices to an ancient priest called "Krathnor." In their society, the modification of their teeth was considered profane and punishable.

Near the Moons of Meepzor Festival (a holiday), the High Master settles disputes and criminal activity using the ancient ways. There is now a commercial side to the festival, but it used to be only a primitive cultural expression.

Likely due to their advanced culture, they use over-technical dialogue. Food is often called "consumables", and to speak to another, one will say, "I summon you". Also, they often use the terms "parental unit" and "consuming mass quantities". It is interesting to note that their culture seems to be one of dominance, and they are most certainly not above invading other planets.

Language [ Remulakian / English Glossary ][]

  • Borp Mip - The End.
  • Blargg - A Blue Conehead food food; a granulated fungus grown artificially in large holding tanks and harvested like a cranberry bog.
  • Bluntskull - An inferior intellect/Earthling.
  • Chaffnok Humming Liquid - Conehead drink
  • Charkusian Knife - large, formidable crescent-bladed knife now used mostly for ceremony, in use since the first Charkusian War.
  • Clarsogs - Unit of time (possibly equivalent to "Ages").
  • Communisume - socialized consumption of mass quantities; large dinner party
  • Conestress- hostess
  • Dopper - a unit of measurment for solids; about two pounds
  • Ephor - one of two such coneheads of state, subject only to the High Master and Vunglerions
  • Fadd (of plotts) - unit of measurment for fluids.
  • Farthite powder - massage powder with local anesthetic effect.
  • Flairndep - a masher or grasper of cone
  • Flairndepping - uninvited or indiscreet groping of cone with intent to hone.
  • Flathrag - prostitute
  • Flairndep - An uninvited grasper of cone, a masher, a hustler.
  • Flarpott - Remulakian Expellative
  • Flarged - Greatly please.
  • Flargans - Unknown.
  • Flemtrop - debris
  • Flindar - Pyramid.
  • Frenetomates - concubine or mistress
  • Gaalak - a personal challenge that brings into question the concept of a cone's masculinity. a battle in cone-to-cone combat. use of any other extremity other than one's cone is taboo. verbal insults are both welcomed and encouraged. the battle continues until one of the opponents is rendered senseless or incoherent.
  • Garthok - Fierce 6-legged beast that once populated Remulakian Plains, now bred for Knarfling in the moons of Meepzor Festival.
  • Garthok knarfler - criminal who participates in ritualized, popular national sport pitting conehead against garthok
  • Gelatosphere - an intoxicating plant resembling earth's brussels sprouts; the budules may be smoked, eaten or passively absorbed through a body cavity
  • Geletopool - warm, viscous, bubbling pools ranging from hot-tub size to small lakes
  • Genetobonding - the act of getting married
  • Geneto kremeepzorglat harg - ritualistic exclamation commencing nuptial streak
  • Genetomate - Husband or wife.
  • Genetosibling - brother or sister
  • Gorleks - two spotted cartilage nodules located symetrically in the small of the back (similar to the growths of an eartgling giraffe's head)
  • Grelbon - Remulakian omnivorous heron-like bird with twenty-inch wingspan that prefers carrion.
  • Guz chamber - Bedroom/Love Making Chamber
  • Guzztrip - honeymoon
  • Hone (Honed) - to have sex / intercourse
  • Honobessed - oversexed.
  • House of intake - restaurant
  • Hygenic chamber - bathroom
  • Intake knobs - Food dispensing devices.
  • Jalabala - jockstrap
  • Knarfle - subdue / overthrow
  • Knarfpooned - fished with a turborod
  • Krabstotz - A term expressing annoyance.
  • Kraptor - A Remulakian desert lizard.
  • Krathnorettes - pretty young female attendants, who are always part of Vunglerion rituals.
  • Kremnothplail - salutation of high honors and respect implying a favor owed to the Vunglerions
  • Kremnotts - Hail; I salute you.
  • Kremnip - A female of ill repute.
  • Kuldroth meepzor kremnott ib icar garthok ib brazen glairb - a ceremonial Vunglerion prayer calling for strength and courage for the knarflers.
  • Light Zerl - 2.17 light years (Light Year = The distance light travel in one Earth year at 186.284 miles a second).
  • Living chamber - apartment/home
  • Living-torg - cash, spending money
  • Lorbsleb - Retreat
  • Magnocycle - a snowmobile-like vehicle that flies just above the ground using magnetic fields
  • Magnopodmobile - a car-sized subway vehicle on an underground monorail system
  • Maintain low tones - don't raise your voice (with me)
  • Mebs - a term expressing frustration / warning
  • Meepzor Vortex - heavy rem phase of sleep on or around the festival of the moons of meepzor
  • Mentott - consultant, adviser, or Graduate of Monastery and Vunglerion Science
  • Mertex - Mercy.
  • Molten Lactate Extrct of Hooved Mammals - hot melted cheese
  • My pluvarb has broken - my water has broken
  • Narg - No
  • Narpail - used when communication has ended
  • Nartatt - pocket
  • Neogenetomates - newlyweds
  • One-sixth gravity - a 60-pound object on earth would weigh 10 pounds on Beldar's home asteroid reldelzinganth
  • Pathhok - Dweeb, pathetic example of a Cone
  • Plarg - male genitalia / penis
  • Pleasure Tone Spewer - Stereo System.
  • Pleasure spool - Parahonal static-electrogravity globe used to induce euphoria in cones.
  • Plotts - radioactive fermented drink (comparable to beer) made from berries taken from a sacred tree-like plant
  • Pneumatic pod - two-seated canister-like vehicle that travels through a pneumatic tubeway
  • Pre-honing agreement - Pre-marital agreement.
  • Prehone activity - foreplay
  • Preplargescent - not yet sexually mature; prepubescent
  • Progenitor Unit - Father or mother.
  • Pulp Swerl - A white fibrous, pudding-like fast food consumed through a disposable mouthpiece at the end of a high pressure plastic feeding tube.
  • Reachit - either a child or midget who serves as a maintenace engineer's assistant on a starcruiser or orecruiser
  • Relay station - similar to a lighthouse in function, it maintains a beacon to aid in vunglerion black hole navigation
  • Religio-fantasy megachamber - big church
  • Remdre ib meepzor - hooray, the festival is starting
  • Remote intake - take-out food
  • Remulakian emullion tango - a dance that spins so fast it results in a tornado
  • Replottsing my quenchorn - refilling my beer mug
  • Ring of fire - a circle at the center of the arena floor in the ritual theater that burns with low-heat flames from the protoid jelly poured onto the dirt (a magma cauldron which originally stood at this point was replaced during restoration under Marlaax's first zerl of ephorship)
  • Sard - Rear end.
  • Scrabnord - Screwed
  • Senso-rings - popular sexual devices
  • Slar phase - a significant term of sleep
  • Slar pad - upright bed with intentions of conehead body contours. a bed.
  • Slar pod - A coffin.
  • Snarglies - Unknown anatomic feature (possibly male specific).
  • Snoktrol - A Remulakian weasel.
  • Sorb chunks - yellow tofu-like foodstuffs pumped through feeding tubes
  • Space traveler guzz chamber - motel
  • Sporfed - Pleased
  • Tappet - Measurment of time equivalent to an Earthling half-hour
  • Tarpaath - fool
  • Tidy torg - "pretty penny," tidy sum
  • Tone-spewer - musician
  • Torb in flail - finger in the hole at the bottom of a box called the consumption plect (a credit card-like system using one's finger for id)
  • Torg - a currensy unit
  • Torgoffed - Messed up.
  • Transmogged - Drained of energy or substances.
  • Trelgs - Teeth / tooth horns.
  • Trisklipps - around 20 minutes
  • Turnofoil - irrythium battery and protaid fuel hydrofoil-type boat
  • Verscrub - Unknown (used in firm and forceful manner).
  • Vlenglariat pla - Some form of greeting.
  • Vunglerion - a powerful, secretive caste of priests and statesmen with mushroom-shaped cones cloned from an elite gene pool
  • Vunglerion Drive - A protoid fuel engine that makes intergalactic travel possible invented by Vunglerions
  • Xoxoff - wild party
  • Zerl - A unit of time / equal to 2.17 Earth years
  • Zlop - Measurement of time. A second.


They are an advanced species, they have mastered intergalactic communication and travel. Their crafts are known to operate using something called a Mentanglion Drive, which seems to be responsible for faster than light travel. Their ships are outfitted with cloaking devices.


The Remulakians planned an invasion of the planet Earth. They are a race set on conquering other worlds and utilizing said world's raw materials and inhabitants. The High Master sent an advanced starcruiser to the water world to scout for invasionary locations. Unfortunately for him, Beldar forgot to employ the cruiser's cloaking device, and the ship was shot down by F-16 fighter-interceptors from the New Jersey Air National Guard. Crashlanded on Earth, two stranded Remulakians (Beldar and Prymaat) attempted to assimilate themselves into American society and eventually pursued the immigrant's American dream. The two produced a daughter, and took up residence, fooling their foolish neighbors into thinking that they were human by claiming they were from France.

Known Remulakians[]

  • Beldar Clorhone
  • Prymaat Clorhone
  • Connie (Conjaab) Clorhone
  • Marlaax
  • Laarta
  • Mintot (High Master)
  • Lerbscrab (Assainated High Master)
  • Plornak (High Master's Mentott)
  • Agkzoth
  • Chysildit
  • Lagtar


  • Created by Dan Aykroyd, he has stated that he developed the idea for the "Coneheads" from the Moai, the ancient and mysterious stone statue heads on Easter Island, which have a similar conical head shape.


Anatomy Sketches (Taken from "Conehead Love" music video )